All my little plans and schemes, lost like some forgotten dreams...

...Just like little girls and boys, playing with their little toys. Seems like all we really were doing was waitin' for love. Lonely to be alone, no need to be alone. It's real love, it's real, Yes it's real love, it's real....

Ugh Thursday. Has this been the longest week of the year? Plus there was yesterday when I spent the day ahead of myself a whole day. That is the most depressing thing ever. I was thinking that my weekend was gonna start today and shit. Hah. Damn - when I finally realized what day of the week it was I was crushed for a minute.

Today has been pretty quiet. Another productive day at work. That always puts me in a good mood. I realized something today though. I'm way more sensitive then Ive ever let on or actually realized. Someone at work said something to me today that hurt my feelings. And then I was mad at myself for feeling hurt. Im usually pretty "whatever." about things like that.

And she probably said it in jest. At least thats what Ive been telling myself. Of course, many a true word is spoken in jest.

We've all heard that- we all know its true. Hell, we all do it from time to time. Its a cop out. So if your challenged or questioned on what you've just said - you can back out of it by simply saying "I was kidding!" No ya weren't.

And Im obsessing. And Im done obsessing.

High points:
- Carly!!
- Bobby! He came to visit :)
-Survivor. Haha - yeah I said it and I mean it.
- Getting things done.
- Talking to Carly. REALLY talking to her.
- Carly singing in the shower.
- Reading a book to Carly.
- Smiling like I mean it
- The kindness of others.
- Chili with Fritos, even though it was too spicy.
- Being snuggly with Bobby
- Carly's explaination of LOVE

Carly and I had a 'disagreement' tonight. That resulted in me yelling at her. I felt crappy, so I went in to Carlys room past her bedtime and she was still awake- just laying there. This happens more than it should. She's like me in an unfortunate way, she lays in bed at night and thinks. It doesnt matter how tired she is, she thinks too much to rest. It sucks. I can never turn my mind off.

So, I sat on her bed tonight and I was talking to her about the trouble she's been having in Math. She told me Math bores her and she doesnt get it. And she said she thinks about other stuff in Math class. She's passing her other classes. She has a 'D' in Math. Well, she could be doing better in Social Studies too, but Math is bad. She told me that she thinks of other things in Math. Like Michael Jackson, The Beatles, Christmas. And she said whether or not her Dad is going to visit is ALWAYS in the corner of her mind.

We talked a few minutes and she cried about how she's missed him since he moved to North Carolina. And since then Ive been sitting here crying because she was. I can hold in tears for alot of stuff. For myself, sappy movies, bad injuries... but with Carly my heart breaks with her. I just want her to be okay and I want this school year to get better and be a good one. I feel like I'm failing here if she isnt doing well. So, I guess we're all going to have to try harder.

For my number ones!






...From this moment on I know, exactly where my life will go. Seems that all I really was doing was waitin' for love. No need to be afraid, no need to be afraid. It's real love, it's real, yes it's real love, it's real. Thought I'd been in love before, but in my heart I wanted more. Seems like all I really was doing was waitin' for you...