I didnt blog at all last week. I dont think that anyone noticed. I opened this page almost 30 minutes ago and Ive just been listening to 'The Heart of Saturday Night' instead of typing and thinking about things that may or may not matter.
Last week was OK. On the plus- Amber started back for the Holidays. So we've been chatty. Bobby came over on Monday and on Thursday. I was so exhausted last week it was ridiculous. I went to bed early every night except for Thursday. I wanted to blame it on the Daylight Savings Time thing, but I dont know if thats what it was. I felt ok otherwise, but who knows? Im exhausted today- but thats because I got like 4 hours of sleep last night and Ive been awake since 7:30 this morning. Its been a crumby kind of day too. Bobby and I always listen to the 'Beatles Brunch' radio show on Sunday mornings when he drives me home. I used to listen to it with my Dad alot growing up. But the show wasn't on today. It really upset me. Then as soon as I get in the house I have to hear bitching and complaining about my choices and money, and guilt trips about upcoming plans that I've made for myself. Its hard to enjoy life sometimes. So I came home, attempted to watch a movie and that didnt work. Cleaned in the kitchen for a few hours organizing a cupboard for my mom. Yay today.
October is over- but it still lingers a bit. Im feeling alot better than I was. Ive been thinking alot more about myself lately- and Ive realized that I suck at confidence and believing in myself. Ive always believed I was a positive thinker- but thats just not true. At least not anymore. Ive thought alot about things Ive done the past year or so, and while alot of things have been great - I havent finished or evern bothered to try many things that have been on my list of things to better my life because I believe theres no real point in trying- because I probably can't do ____ insert whatever is on my mind at the moment.
It scares me because I see Carly getting that way her Math and I wonder does she see me not trying and think that same way about herself? I'll have to overthink this subject and analyze it as I lay in bed tonight.
Ive had a good weekend. Friday night Bobby and I didnt really do anything. It was my brothers birthday so we hung out at home and Bobby bought him pizza. Cake. Dinner. Presents. It was nice. Bobbys brother and his girlfriend brought their snapping turtle 'Aquapig' home to stay on Friday. She's cute. I touched her foot and thought she was very cute.
Yargh. Let me back up a little. Thursday was actually my favorite day of the week (not weekend) because Bobby came over and we got to be all snuggly and we watched Survivor together. I seriously love it when he comes and watches TV with me. I like laying all over him. And we had Play-Doh time with Carly later than normal since she was off on Friday. I made her a Turkey- she seems to always pick with the seasons.
Going back a little further- I hated Monday. For the obvious, normal, to be expected Monday reasons- but also because I burned my damn right ring finger pretty bad. Its still sore now almost a week later. And it looks gross.
Guess I'd better accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative...
- Carly
- Bobby
- Jerry's birthday
- Jerry's birthday cake...
- Amber starting back
- Poker night
- Panera Bread
- Panera Bread's new Macaroni & Cheese.
- Not really caring
- Smiling
- Singing in the car with Bobby
- Deciding to decide that I am way too self deprecating after all, and further deciding that I had better think more about this whole thing in bed tonight.
Well, I would like to try and blog a few times this week. It makes me feel better. Last week I was just DOA so I couldnt. I'm hoping for a better week for blogs this week. And also hoping that I will stop dwelling on Jessica and all that crap. Because it crosses my mind at least once (really several) time a day how we never talk anymore. And I was always so proud that we had been able to stay great friends for so long. Now- when I do happen to get her on IM or something half the time she has nothing to say to me and signs off without saying bye.
But I am going to tell you (as well as myself) that I really dont care about all that.
As usual...
...I forgot my shirt at the water's edge. The moon is low tonight. Night swimming deserves a quiet night. I'm not sure all these people understand. It's not like years ago, the fear of getting caught, of recklessness and water...
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