Once there was a way to get back homeward...

...Once there was a way to get back home. Sleep pretty darling do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby...

Where to start... I have so much to say! I can only start with what's fresh in my mind. The past weekend. Started good, great middle, good ending- in spite of me being me.. Pah.

Bobby had off all weekend. So on Friday night we just went back to his house and hung out, Saturday morning we went to the gym and had lunch, out to dinner at DiPasquale's (more about this later...) and then to Apeys. I cant mention the weekend and everything it entailed without mentioning that I received alot of nice gifts. No special occasion... well, Saturday was the day I showed up on dis earff, so I guess thats what the occasion was. I guess. So.. yeah nice gifts. Listing them all would make me feel like I were being 'showy'. Sunday needs it's own paragraph.

Okay- I'll name one gift. Bobby got me the new Clarence Clemmons Biography. Imma excited :)

Ok- so- DiPasquale's. Bobby and I saw it featured on 'Diners, Drive-In's & Dives' last year and we've always wanted to try it. We went there once but they close at like 6pm - so we've never made it there because of our schedules. BUT - Bobby was off this weekend, so it worked out well. Homemade arancini, lasagna. Good schtuff. Although one piece of that lasagne could feed 2 or 3 people. I couldnt finish it all.

Sunday we woke up (semi) early and listened to The Beatles Brunch* and then went to the Farmers Market. Had REALLY good foodssss. Then we went to Boordy's Vineyard and I got shitty on wine. Drunk on a Sunday and then I had to go into work and process orders. I don't know. I had a great time. April, Ray, Rita & Chris met us there after a while.

Oh wait- I have to rewind a second. At work on Thursday everyone gave me a nice card and gift card for Target (mah favorite store!)

Okay- I'll just say it. I had a nice birthday. There. I hid it off of Facebook because I hate fusses, but people will always fuss over you if they care. Apey made me a cake and so did my mom. I gripe all the time about things not going my way and how people dont really care. But Im a stupid ass. People care, and I have the best friends and family. I know it. I love them all.

Sooo, I wanted to blog last week and I never got to it. Ive been in reasonably good spirits lately. Not because of the past weekend, although that was a huge boost, but even before that. I sat down to blog but I couldnt get the needed privacy so I gave up. I'm happy. Ive been going to the gym. Im working on believing that I can achieve things. I have such a defeatist 'why bother?' attitude. Dammit, I make myself sick sometimes. Im the kind of person that would get on my nerves if I were talking to them.

The difference is that I dont share these feelings with anyone. I know its annoying so Im perfectly content to stew all alone internally in my little hell.

But Ive decided Im going to try. Thats hard for me- to put real honest effort into things because I fear failure and keeps me from trying. I hate having to say 'I didnt do it" or worse 'I cant do it'. This will be the year that I DO do it. I'm tired of being afraid. Sometimes failure isnt an option, and I cant let it be. This is stupid. This is the year that I will lose weight and stop being a little fatty and I will get my fracking license already. I cant let another birthday go by without it. It was fine for years and now all of sudden its just not. I'm going to be a confident, independent woman finally. No more shiz.

Mmm, so LAST (not this past, but the previous Sunday) there was no Beatles Brunch. It's stupid, but it really got to me. All I could think is that I wouldnt have that anymore. It was a thing I used to have with my Dad. He isnt here anymore, but we visit together every Sunday when I listen to The Beatles Brunch. Thats also how Bobby gets to know my Dad. One song at a time.

This is getting winded. If I blogged everyday like I wanted, maybe I could avoid such long blogs.

Moving forward!

- Carly (Of course!)
- Bobby
- "And it happened in a Wendy's" "But it was the perfect time, anyway" "I know."
- Boordy's
- Being remembered
- My Mom
- My friends :)
- Turkey burgerrrr and Thai Spring Rolls
- Lasagna
- My iPod
- The Beatles
- My conversation with Bobby about my "relationship" with music
- Going to the gym with Bobby (twice!)
- Laughing
- Being in the car with Bobby. Singing and talking.
- Holding his hand.
- Sitting on a blanket with Bobby and his wine fuzzies
- Beatles Brunch coming back
- Getting a text from Jess
- Listening to the pouring rain.. RIGHT NOW!

Theres more, I know theres morrrrreeee... It will come to me. I wont promise you I will blog everyday (like I want to) but I will try.

I have been going to the gym pretty regularly, and that makes me feel proud of myself. So far this week (well I guess technically last week) Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday, today.. and hopefully again maybe Saturday. We'll see. Im gonna try! Harder this time. For real this time!

My advice to you all - for EVERYDAY!



And I suppose that's all for now.

One more thing... THE BOSS, First Mariner Arena tomorrow. I'm so psyched!

...Golden slumbers fill your eyes, smiles awake you when you rise. Sleep pretty darling do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby. Once there was a way to get back homeward. Once there was a way to get back home, sleep pretty darling do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby....