Well, you can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold, you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold. You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin. Yeah,
now you just say, "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him"...
Well, it's been a bit since Ive done this. I never get around to it even though I always want to. It makes me a happier me.
Work has been so crazy lately. I dont know what it is about the holidays that always make me feel just a little sad. Maybe its because things change over the years. Maybe its because my life isnt all worked out the way that I would like and I know that I can blame nobody but myself. I think of my friends who have had majpr changes in their lives recently and I feel guilty for feeling sad during the holidays. After all - my life at least maintains the same crap day in and day out.
Ive been working between 9-10.5 hour days. Carly misses me and Im tired. I havent been to the gym at all this week, and I hate that. Plus I know that next week is going to be a real shit storm at work. I'm dreading it. As I sit here right now in fact, I am obsessing about the unfinished work I left this evening when I came home. I have a head cold and my right ear isnt hearing right.
Another thing that happens every year is the guilt I feel for working long hours and the zombie that I become. Not to mention that I always feel that I am not getting Carly enough. Its tough at times. Feeling inadequate.
Ive been so damn wishy washy and tearing up at the drop of a hat. I welled up the other night watching a television show. Its stupid. I was alone, thankfully, but still I hate swallowing that lump in the throat.
I want Carly to have a great day, and all of my family and friends of course, but I will be glad when the season is over. Work to resume normal, life to slow back down and to not be pulled in 500 directions.
So, I am excited about a few things. I got Carly the Beatles Yellow Submarine action figures for Christmas. She asked for them. She also asked for a parakeet and a dsi. She just tacked the dsi onto her list and I can not afford it. Her grandmother is getting it for her, and for aome reason it makes me feel like a failure. Last night as we were decorating the tree Carly was saying how she hoped to get a dsi and I felt so ashamed for not being able to afford it. Ive gotten quite a bit of stuff and Bobby and I are planning to go finish shopping this weekend. I am looking forward to that. I think I'll feel better when all the shopping is done.
My high lights
- Carly
- Bobby
- Smiling
- Going out with friends and having a great time :)
- Getting Carlys Christmas stuff
- Making tattoo plans!
- Feeling better about the gym (although not this week)
- Being busy at work ( even though it drives me nuts...)
- Overtime and extra dough
- Laughing
- Singing
- Laying in bed and listening to music
- Reading
- My 'relationship with Brian Fallon that Bobby made fun of.
I could go on. I should go on. But its getting late. I need to finish up and get to sleep. Ive been staying up way too late and I need to get to sleep. Gonna be another long day tomorrow...
Just for you!
Hey, John Lennon. Your my guy.
..Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry. I said, "I love you like the stars above, I love you 'till I die" And there's a place for us, you know the movie song, when you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?...
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