Until you've seen this trash can dream come true...

...You stand at the edge while people run you through. And I thank the Lord there's people out there like you. I thank the Lord there's people out there like you...

Two nights in a row. Ive had a bad night. The days can be really shitty anytime, but today was especially bad. Plus, I just have been having an October all month long.

Work was a little quieter today. I went in half an hour earlier to get some things done. I actually felt productive by the end of the work day. I didnt feel like a failure. I hate that about work. Sometimes I feel like Im getting nowhere.

Since I had tonsillitis last week I didnt go to the gym. Granted, I couldnt eat so I didnt eat much, but I still feel awful. I need to get back to the gym. I think I'd feel better. Ive been sitting around watching TV alot lately. Which sucks. I never used to do that. But I got sucked into 'The Biggest Loser' this year. Ive never watched it before. I thought 'Hey, I joined a gym, this will inspire me' but instead it makes me feel hopeless. I hate having myself beaten before I really get started. But I know me.

Take last year for example. The whole 'Driver's License' thing. I hate being afraid. And I know my biggest issue is that I dont really believe in myself.

Ah well. I obsess way too much.

Did I mention I had a really bad night? I really did. I need to get my own place again. I really wish that things were different at least. I'm way too old to hope that one day I'm going to go to bed one night and wake the next day and everything prior to that will have been just a bad nightmare.

But every damn night before I go to bed I have that little thought. Tonight will be tonight. Everything will be different tomorrow. I will wake up in my own house. I will wake up with enough money to live comfortably, because more than what I need will change me. I will be thinner. I will be happier. I will still have a best friend named Jessica, and she won't have forgotten me. I will have a really good relationship with my mom and she won't be disappointed in me everyday. She will be happier. My brother will be happier. I'll have my license and a car. And be confidant.

But I always wake up to the crappy alarm clock feeling like crap and wishing I were somewhere else.

And skimming over that just now I realize how blah I sound.

There were some high points.
- Carly
- Bobby
- Feeling productive at work.
- Being smiled at.
- Getting a copy of the homework that Carly forgot...
- Being quiet.
- Hot showers.
- Elton John
- Realizing that this is pay week.
- Bobby forcing me to play Beatles' Rock Band, and me really enjoying it.
- The Baltimore Book Fair with Carly, Bobby & Michelle.

Hmm... some of this stuff is from weeks past. I will throw in some random stuff I remember here and there in my upcoming posts.

I guess that's all for now. Oh, last week I saw The Gaslight Anthem. They were really great. I had wanted to see them for so long and Bobby got the tickets a while back. I wish I could have been closer, but I decided to keep a distance because I was afraid being in a sweaty crowd might make me sick again.

I'm pretty tired.


However, this video made me perk up a little. He's a sexy mofo. Plus it's a Beatles tune. I can't name all the awesomeness. The sexy man. The sexy voice. The fact that The Gaslight Anthem is an awesome band on it's own. From 2:21 to roughly 2:54 was mmmm...azing. That made my night. I think. Plus he looks like he's enjoying the song. And who wouldnt be, really?

Maybe life will all be different ONE day. I think that maybe this will be year for better things.

...While Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters, sons of bankers, sons of lawyers, turn around and say good morning to the night. For unless they see the sky, but they can't and that is why. They know not if it's dark outside or light...